habitual

Everything starts from something. I started the day with a new hope today. And the day's routine knocked me down with a new spirit despite the familiarity of it. Washing my clothes [that were soaked the night before] at 5 in the morning is almost a habit now. I don't know about other people, but I do change a habit every now and then. And yes, there are times that I do develop new ones from time to time too. But no matter how I look at it, I still can't imagine myself picking up other people's habit.

It's been two months since he left. And I can't seem to get used to not having him around. (Another habit that I need to acquire, I believe so.) The emptiness he left seems to blow me off with bits and pieces of our memories together. But why do am I complaining now? I practically start and end the day with him, quite literally and otherwise. With all the wonders of modern technology... we were blessed with the amazing benefits of the internet... webcam and all. But an hour or two is always a killing time, so to speak. Oh how I miss him just the minute we started talking. And oh, how I prayed that time would stand still [or that MSN won't lose connection] so I could have him forever. And yet, towards the end of each moment we go online... the "see ya" always signals that it's time to miss him some more.

For the past 20 years or so, I almost forgotten how to feel this way anymore. It has been a couple of decades now since the last time I fell in and out of love. And the familiarity of the feeling... I seemed not to recollect now. I'm happy. For the first time... in 20 years or so... I'm perfectly happy. And this feeling... is becoming a habit now!

(NOTE: This was written 2nd November of 2006 when I was missing my Sweetest so much)